- Home > Archive: April, 2013
I had a thought about something in the shower this morning… no.. don’t go there… keep reading… It occurred to me… ever see the movie Good Luck Chuck? I’M CHUCK!
Chuck is the guy who women want to be with because once you’re with Chuck, you are guaranteed to find your true love next! It’s his curse… no one expects to spend the rest of their life with Chuck… they only want to be with him long enough to find Mr Right.
I started doing the math… every woman I’ve had any sort of relationship with in the last 6 years has gone on to get married or is still in a serious longterm relationship that will probably culminate in marriage at some point. Hell, my ex wife didn’t even wait until our divorce was finalized before she had another baby and was married shortly after the ink on our papers dried. K1? Married. K2? Long term live-in relationship. C? Working on the long term. K3? Moved in with boyfriend over a year ago. J1? Got married almost immediately after meeting the guy within weeks of us breaking up. J2? Give it time… She’s a real catch, and won’t be single long… Even some of my mini-crushes have moved onto great things! Another K is now happily married! Yet another K (I wish I was making this up… it’s true.. I am cursed with Ks) is in a longterm live-in relationship and not going anywhere.
So ladies, if you want to meet the man of your dreams… or want to validate that you might already be with him… give me a call. My success (or failure, depending on your point of view) rate is pretty damn good. It’s funny (and sad) because it’s true. Every single one of those women has left a relationship with me, and is now with Mr Right.
Apparently there’s some crazy banking regulation that any money you use for your mortgage down payment must be yours for a minimum of 90 days. I’m sure that there’s a good reason for that… but I’ll be damned if I can figure it out. So even though I’ve worked a bunch of overtime lately, and have the money for my down payment, I can’t technically use that money because it hasn’t been in my bank account for 90 days.
Thankfully there’s a “workaround” which involves getting a signed gift letter from a member of your immediate family stating they are giving you money which you do not have to pay back. Fair enough. I promised my banker that I would get my letter signed, and fax it to her today so she could go ahead and get my mortgage approved.
As I was walking to work this morning, I thought about how I would phrase my email to her regarding this. I wanted to let her know that I had faxed it.
This is what I came up with.
I’m buying a house. If everything falls into place May 16 I will take ownership of a nice bungalow and begin moving my life forward.
I’ve had more than a few people say how happy they are for me… yet they seem more excited about this than I am. That’s because it’s true. I’m buying a house. It’s a great house. But it’s still just a house. I know that I will enjoy living in it. I know that my kids will love it. I assume that over time my feelings toward it will shift. I hope so.
Please do not think that I am ungrateful. I understand that there are people reading this who maybe are not in a position to buy a house, and would love to be announcing that they are. I understand that. I am fortunate enough to have crawled back from near-financial and personal ruin, and am now seeing some positive results. But do not be fooled by the illusion. I’d trade it all for a leaky cardboard box if that box felt like home. Don’t believe me? Oh I think that there might be one or two of you who do.
I gave up looking for a home. It just wasn’t going to happen. So I settled for a house. It’s a means to an end. A way to get closer to my kids. To see them more. To be a better parent. I don’t deny that there are real benefits to buying this house. But it’s a bittersweet moment for me. This entire process has created an empty void, and that’s not going to be filled by a structure, no matter how seemingly perfect it may appear to some people.
Excited? Not even a little.
This was one of “our” songs. It was even a potential wedding song.
It’s amazing how easy it is to say “I won’t give up on us… even if the skies get rough… ” when things are going well. And when things fall apart… Hey, it’s just a song. It really doesn’t mean anything. I know this.
I’m not going to dump on anyone. I’m not angry. Confused. Hurt. Disappointed. Yes. Not angry.
I once wrote a blog post about “Disposable Love“. It was a long time ago, and not at all inspired by this situation, but I truly believe in this day and age… it’s far to easy to say “I don’t… not anymore” than it is to say “I do”.
Do You Have to Consider Her Mood Before Offering Your Input?
Are you serious? What kind of question is that? Isn’t that rule #1 for dealing with any woman? C’mon.. this is a trick question…
But actually that was a real question that the family mediator asked me today. I remember being asked that in late 2011 when we originally set up our child custody agreement. I thought that it was weird then. I thought it was weird now. But the answer was still the same… “yes”. I’m not really sure what the purpose of that question is. Is it to judge her mental stability, or my empathy? I don’t know. But I would say that I consider my ex-wife’s mood before offering my input. Does that mean that I hold off if she’s in a bad mood, or that I “go for it”? I don’t know. But I consider it! And truth is, I probably consider any person’s mood. It just seems like a silly question to me. Out of place among the “Have you threatened to kill her, your children, or yourself?” or “Does she possess any weapons that you may be afraid of?” questions…
The purpose of today’s meeting was to officially announce my desire to amend our child custody agreement. Circumstances have changed since 2011. I am no longer a shift worker. I no longer live nearly an hour away from the children. I am pursuing a home purchase in the same area as their schools, and feel the time is right to step up and become a full-time parent in a shared-custody arrangement. My ex-wife is less than thrilled with the idea, but to her credit she apparently made an appointment with the mediator as well. I’m hoping that means that she is willing to sit down and discuss this, because we all know what the alternative is. Court. And really… no one wants to go there if it can be avoided.