I Think I Can… I Think I Can…

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Am I Getting Honest in my Old Age? (repost)

Published December 7, 2011 - 1 Comment
[Originally posted Feb 3, 2009]

I’m standing in line at my favourite Burger King restaurant. OK, they’re all my favourite. I don’t love one more than the other. I just love the double stacker. I think they should serve it on their breakfast menu.

I had a particularly large order this time, and it came to $16.00 exactly. I always like when that happens. I think it’s a sign from the Fast Food gods that they approve of my relentless dedication to their cause.

It was 10:30pm, and the dining room area was closing. The poor guy behind the counter was probably not expecting me to waltz in there with only seconds to go. But alas, there I was. He punched in the numbers for the debit card machine, and slid the customer handheld device toward me to complete the transaction. Then he hurried off to make sure that my onion rings were crispy and golden.

I looked down at the little handheld device.

$0.16. Press OK to confirm.

Oh boy. Instantly there were two mini-Stephens… one on each shoulder. One was dressed in white, carrying a tiny harp, and spoke softly… “You know that isn’t right. Remember… Steve 2.0 wouldn’t do that. That’s a Steve 1.0 thing. You’re better than that now…”

On the other shoulder was a tiny (albeit fat slob-like) mini-Stephen dressed in red. I didn’t look too closely, but I think I noticed tiny horns poking through his Roots cap, and a pitchfork… he hissed as me in a drunken slur… “Oh don’t listen to goodie-two-shoes over there! How many times have you been screwed over? It’s payback time! It’s not your fault that buddy can’t read. Take it and get the hell out of here!”

ZAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAP

A bolt of lightning flashed from one shoulder to the other…

“Umm… excuse me.. I don’t think that’s the correct amount” I sighed, as I pressed the cancel button, and slid the device back over the counter.

Honest Steve? How can this be?

Ugh…