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Dr Lisa Drives Her Small Foot Up My Big Ass

Published August 7, 2011 - 2 Comments

For anyone who has been waiting for an update on the infamous “passing out” incident at the U2 concert, I managed to get in to see Dr Lisa on Friday.  I felt bad, and told her as soon as she walked through the door… “I really hope that I’m not wasting your time with this…”   Turns out that she was at the concert too!  (Wasn’t everybody?)  So she had a pretty good idea about the conditions on the ground and everything else.  When I described what happened, she told me that my blood pressure was probably a little low from the 90 min walk to get there, and then the couple hours of standing.  It’s doubtful that the lovely smell of marijuana I smelled prior to feeling yucky was the cause, but she did say that it’s possible that it caused my blood pressure to spike.  It’s all theoretical, of course.  I feel fine now.  The encouraging part is that I felt “something” coming on.  It was quick, but apparently, if something serious happened to make me pass out like that, I would have just keeled over.  So basically I’m just a big wimp who can’t stand on his feet too long without falling over.  Great.

So as I stood up and started to thank her and make a run for the door, she said “Sit down again”.  Hmm…  uh oh.  This didn’t sound good.

“I got your results back from your blood test 2 weeks ago.  Most of it is ok, but your cholesterol is up.  Here are your previous results and here are the new numbers.”

I’ve gotta admit… the numbers don’t mean much to me…  Good cholesterol… Bad cholesterol… over-all ratio…  blah blah blah…      I DID recognize that my current ratio of 5.something was higher than the 4.8 of last time.  Apparently bigger isn’t better when you’re talking cholesterol ratios.  She then went to show me on a chart that with my current age and that ratio, I had a single digit risk factor of developing heart disease before I reached age 50.  That wasn’t too horrible.  Had I just kept my mouth shut and walked out of there, I’d still be a little healthier.  But nope… I had to offer up that there was a history of heart problems in the family… and oh boy.. did that change things!  That bumped me up a few notches right then and there!  I’m surprised that she didn’t tell me to go out and buy a defibrillator immediately!  I started to say something and realized that she was looking at me with her I’m your Doctor face…  Oh.

“I need you to take charge of this.  I can give you drugs, but this is something that you can control.  The drugs are a last resort.  I don’t want you to feel guilty (I guess my look betrayed me) but you need to start thinking before having a Big Mac or bottle of Coke.”

Ugh…   There was no deflecting that with a witty comment…

I know… I know… You’ve heard this all before.  I get it.  I’m just throwing it out there more for myself, than anything else.  Yet another reinforcement… and hopefully one of these will finally stick…