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Life’s Outlook From the Viewpoint of the Bed

Published February 21, 2011 - 6 Comments

I don’t think that I’ve ever wanted to go back to work so badly.  OK, not true.  There was one other time that I was unable to work that I really wished I was back there… far more than right now.  But still, at this moment in time, I really wish that I was back to work.  Or. more accurately, I wish that I was healthy enough to go back  to work.  I don’t necessarily miss being at work… I just wish that I was in good enough shape that I could make the decision as to whether or not I wanted to be in attendance.  If anyone thinks that this is a great vacation… I’d love to switch places with you for a day.

So today I took a new picture.  It’s Day 12, and there is a significant improvement from the infamous Day 5 picture that I sent out last week.  It’s funny, you don’t really notice a huge change day by day… but when you look at two pictures side by side… well then there’s a huge difference.  Today the bruising actually looks more like bruising, and less like everything is simply dead and waiting to fall off.  Instead of black, it’s a combination of purple and blue with yellow at the edges… so that’s a good sign!

Pain wise, things are almost no different.  I’m still confined to bed.  I still switch ice packs regularly.  If I get up to use the bathroom, I am still in considerable pain by the time I get there.  If I’m laying down, the pain is almost non-existent… unless I move my legs somehow and squish parts that should not be squished.  Then I’m fighting tears.  But what I have noticed today that is a good sign… it used to be as soon as I stood up I had horrible pains as gravity took over and everything was pulled down… now I can almost make it to the bathroom before the pain becomes intense.  So the level of pain hasn’t changed at all, but it seems to take longer for it to hit me.  I’m hoping that means that something is healing inside… although the swelling is still there.  I’m very lopsided…

I’ve had a lot of time to consider things in my life.  There’s not too much to do while laying in bed.  I don’t seem to want to read.  I don’t really watch too much TV.  Thankfully I have my laptop and iPhone, so I don’t feel cut off from the rest of the world.  I tend to sleep way too much, and I don’t know if it’s a combination of all the different medications that I’m taking, plus boredom, plus the fact that I’m IN BED… My sleep schedule is a complete mess.  I’m just as likely to be awake at 3am as I am at 3pm.  I haven’t even really decided if I should be trying to keep myself on schedule, or just go with it… my body is in pain.. if it wants to sleep all day, then let it…  maybe that’s the wrong attitude, I really don’t know.

I’ve had a little disappointing insight into some areas of my life.  Chances are, if you’re reading this, it doesn’t pertain to you.  Recent events have really pulled the curtain back to expose the illusion… and that’s unfortunate.  But maybe it’s for the best.  I was under the assumption that certain things were one way… when obviously they are not.  I’m still the outside looking in, and maybe it’s best to be reminded of that.  Oh well… their loss.. not mine.

Oh, and in case anyone was wondering… remember that xx days Coke free?   Yeah… that went by the wayside as soon as this entire vasectomy disaster unfolded!  I rely on the sweet stuff to get me through… which reminds me, I think that it’s time to send the roomie to the store before it closes…