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Online Shopping is Fun! As Long as You Don’t Screw Up!

Published December 1, 2011 - 2 Comments

Here are a few indisputable truths for you:

  • Never eat the yellow snow
  • Have your buddies hide your cellphone before you start drowning your sorrows after a breakup
  • Don’t poke the bear
  • Play nice with your workplace time keeper and dental hygienist
  • Those emails you receive saying “click here” for your favourite celebrity nude will probably infect your machine… but there’s still a chance they could be legit… Go for it!
I’m about to throw another one into the Eternal Fountain of Wisdom.
  • Don’t, I say again.. DO NOT.. engage in online shopping activities well after the hour where you are normally asleep.  You may also want to add “while drunk” to this as well, but I can’t speak from experience on that one!
So last night I had a great time trying to finish my Christmas shopping online.  It was 3AM.  Things were quiet at work.  It was tons of fun!  I ordered several items from different online retailers, and convinced myself that I was not only saving myself the pain and aggravation of fighting through a mob of shoppers, but maybe even a little bit of money too.  OK, that last part is a pipe dream.  I don’t know if online shopping is really any cheaper, but it sure is a hell of a lot more convenient!  I’ll gladly pay a few dollars in shipping and handling fees if it means that I don’t have to pack up and drive to the mall.  (Note to self: Next year, investigate hiring a personal shopper)  So I ordered a few things, and was really pleased with myself.  No really.. I was tickled pink!  If ever there was a time to be tickled pink.. this was it!  I was so happy that I called my Mum to tell her about one of my purchases in particular.  She sounded quite proud of me, but asked a few questions that I didn’t have the answer to off the top of my head.  That’s fine.  The company had sent me an invoice of course, along with confirmation that the item had shipped today.  Wow!  These guys are fast.  Awesome!  So I sent forwarded the invoice email to Mum, certain that I was well on my way to becoming Online Shopper Extraordinaire.
Didn’t take long for the phone call to come in.
“Are you sitting down?” Mum asked me…
“Yup! Why?”.  In fact I was laying on the couch… that’s how confident I was.
“That’s not a __________ that you ordered.  It’s a ___________”
*pause*
FUCK!
(Sorry Mum…. I didn’t mean to swear)
You know what it’s like when you’re searching for the perfect left handed screw driver, and you think that you’ve found it… but after you order it someone tells you that it’s not a left handed screwdriver.. but a right handed screwdriver?!?  Yeah.. that’s not what happened.
After waiting on hold with Customer Service well past the estimated “approximate 2 min wait”, I finally reached an agent who checked my order and informed me that it had already been shipped and that the could not stop it.  Oh, and she laughed at me.  I’m pretty sure that when she hung up from that call that she turned to the other people in the call centre and said “Left handed screwdriver?!  Haha… what an idiot!”
So I guess my options are either to refuse the package when it gets here, and forfeit the shipping and handling costs… or to accept it and then take it into the local store for a refund… and I think I might get my shipping and handling back.. I’m not sure.  Either way…
Ho Ho Ho… Merry $%^&*() Christmas…