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I had my regularly scheduled appointment this afternoon with my family doctor. I’ve mentioned her before… Lisa is awesome.
The first thing I had to do when I got there was step onto the scale. That was new. Something tells me that she`s going to be getting me to do that more often. Then we got into the question of how I’ve been. I told her that I was off work for a month, and then showed her my favourite pic on my iPhone. She`s a doctor… she`s seen it before. But she`s never seen it looking like THAT!
She laughed when I told her that I had been worried it might fall off. I think she thought I was joking. I wasn`t.
But then we got into the nitty gritty of why I was there. My blood pressure was surprisingly lower than I had anticipated. When she asked me how I was doing with work, and some other things… She could tell from the look on my face that I wasn’t doing well. I have a horrible tell when it comes to that personal stuff… I can`t look her in the eye… I just tend to stare at a spot on the wall or the floor.
Lisa thinks that I should go back and talk to my old psychologist about some of the things that are bothering me. It`s hard because if you ask me what needs to be done… I know the answers. I`m not stupid. Supposedly far from it (although I have my serious doubts). But it`s getting from Point A to Point B that seems to be the problem. I know what has to be done. But I can not seem to do it. And every time that I think I’ve hit rock bottom, I fall a little deeper in the rabbit hole.
She asked me a couple of very tough questions. I wasn`t keen on answering them, but I did. There`s no point in lying to her… she knows way too much about me.
I have to go back and see her in 6 weeks, which is a shorter time-frame than normal. I suspect that if things haven`t changed much in that time, that I`ll become a regular fixture in that office… again.
As I left, she reminded me about the Coke and fast food… and that I should really make that appointment with the psychologist… just to reinforce things… I nodded… we both know that I won`t make that phone call.
And in 6 weeks, we`ll probably go through the same thing again.