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The Tooth Nazi (repost)

Published September 18, 2011 - 0 Comments
[Originally posted Jan 26, 2009]

I had an appointment with my dentist again.  I make a big fuss about going in to the dentist every 6 months, but it’s actually not too bad.  I get to flirt with the hygienists, who usually pretend to torment me.  We go through the casual witty banter about them not having to use the death pick (“that’s ok, thanks.. you can skip that part, I won’t tell”, or in giving me the floss “sure, I’ll just add it to my collection.. oh look, here’s one from the last time I was in!”…  it’s all in good fun.. I even had one young lady jokingly remind me not to piss her off because she was armed and dangerous, and working inside my mouth with a very sharp instrument of pain.

But every once in awhile, I get The Tooth Nazi.   If the Tooth Fairy represents all that is sweet and innocent about teeth… the Tooth Nazi is her evil nemesis… this woman may as well poke around in my mouth with a sharpened garden tool.. I’m sure that it would be just as effective, and probably less painful. At one point I almost demanded to see her license to practice dentistry, but I was… to put it bluntly.. too afraid.  So I suffered in silence as she forced the floss between my teeth with the pure finesse worthy of a drunken butcher…  I bled, I cringed, and when the time finally came for me to get the hell out of there, I did not hesitate.  I’m sure that I’ll be tasting blood for the next week.

I suspect I wronged the Tooth Nazi in a past life, and am now paying for it.  Well.. 20%… my employer pays the remaining 80%.. lucky me..